


the uncanny fear of loss

by jonaley5



Category: OFF (Game)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Rain, Self-Doubt, Self-Indulgent, Self-Reflection, Self-Worth Issues, Swearing, Talking, a bit OOC, a bit unnecessary but its fun to let them get loose of dialogue, another talking fic, batter is slowly turning self-conscious, but he didnt expect to talk about this, fear of losing passion, its not a big deal its just something to take note of, its sugar, just implied not new, no beta we die like men, other characters are mentioned but only briefly so wont bother to tag any of them, reevaluating the situation, thats the topic, zacharie expected batter to be self-conscious BUT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24447814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonaley5/pseuds/jonaley5
Summary: “Tell me of your tales.” Batter says, surprising Zacharie.Zacharie ponders, “Such an interesting request for someone as cold and dismissive,” he laughs when Batter glared, “What tales do want me to speak of, amigo? I suppose this would be a lovely time to share a story, do speak of your interests.”“Stories of such: this place, the game, hints and clues, more or so, tell me more about you. What circumstances brought you to a point where you decided to become a merchant?”Taken aback, Zacharie laughs away his confusion.
Relationships: The Batter & Zacharie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	the uncanny fear of loss

**Author's Note:**

> okay, listen. I know the off fandom is dormant, unless theres a major news (UNLESS NOT *SLAMS DESK*) i just have to borrow these bitches so that it'll somehow fit and turn into a moral talk session. the game is all about motives and morals after all (cough thank you wiki cough cough) 
> 
> zacharie is the right person to pretend to ignore shit and prance along problems but that also seemed unlikely of him since he's aware of almost everything which is very unnerving but interesting (?????). batter also sounded off (ehehehe) in this but i think my excuse will make up for it. that's why i tagged it as ooc. i would've took this opportunity to do a character study instead but no im too out of it to even study dont touch me im crying
> 
> and for the love of god, take my hands away so that i'll stop using unnecessary itallics, semi-colons, and em dashes
> 
> i wrote this at night when i thought of it ahahahaha *cries* this is something i wrote so that i can reflect on it. it could be different, but it is what it is. i may or may not forgot what else to say in the notes oops haha hope you enjoy <3333

It wasn’t a fine sunny day that Zacharie had hoped it to be, although The Batter seemed to think otherwise.

The skies were greyer than the typical smoke in Zone 2 that covered the air, something that both knew it’s nothing other than dangerous but negligible. The vibrant pink walls and grounds were paler, which pleased Zacharie’s eyes and halting his chronic pain of eyesore. It isn’t _that_ bad, he thinks, it’s bound to rain sooner and the change of atmosphere wasn’t a surprise. He was sure The Batter didn’t mind the change, not that he’d admire the so-called beauty of his surroundings.

He let him be. It’s an unspoken agreement between the two ─ to be left to their own devices. Zacharie knew well enough not to start a conversation with the stoic man beside him. After all, he was merely a merchant, a role he meant to play as; and The Batter, the hero, a customer of his, the only client ever.

That is all there is between them; _nothing less, nothing more_.

Soon after during their silence, minus the ambient sounds of the sea and elsen’s cries in the distance, the merchant hummed a cheerful but peaceful melody as soon as rain started to pour buckets. Mindlessly bobbing his head to the beat and creating tunes he thought would go well with his impromptu music. It contrasted to the atmosphere the rain has given off, ironic, but he liked it that way. The Batter isn’t opposed of the humming, so he went on and hummed.

Zacharie wasn’t one for loneliness. When The Puppeteer is away, he can entertain himself very well with collected trinkets of his own and… _other_ hobbies, he also does this while waiting for The Batter nearby to come visit his station. That is, _if_ The Puppeteer is present, The Batter never seemed to approach the merchant when his strings are loose; that one, he noticed.

In other times, the trinkets get boring. Pablo usually stops by, but that’s about it, the cat would talk in riddles, lie in his lap and hint requests for Zacharie to run his fingers through the feline’s fur, achieving satisfaction and purring intensely. While he has enough spare time, he visits his dearest friend in Zone 0, Sugar. They would talk and talk about events, albeit _monotonous_ and _dull_ (as what Sugar’s described it once), they still managed to exchange tales and thoughts, most likely ending their conversations by getting high off sugar that surrounds them then blacking out.

Zacharie would visit The Guardians. _He does_ , but rarely. He would check on them, yet majority of his supposed self-appointments are spent on play-time with Hugo and drinking coffee with The Queen.

He has time for himself of course, which coincidentally happens when he observed that The Puppeteer is away for more than a month or so, taking note that The Batter is nowhere to be seen, but he doesn’t worry much. Already knowing of The Puppeteer’s habits, The Batter is probably left somewhere by the disgustingly yellow box, the _save point_ , or hidden away in rooms where his puppeteer brought him and left him there.

But here is, legs crossed, sitting right beside Zacharie, by the entrance of the shopping mall where the merchant resides (more often than not) and is presumably waiting for the rain to finish. He can clearly see the strings: they were loose from The Batter’s limbs, which meant that he walked on his own to reach the shopping mall or The Puppeteer left him there (highly dubious).

The Batter showed no signs of talking, silent as ever. However, from time to time, the occasional frown or furrowed eyebrows amused the masked man. It was as if The Batter was thinking (Zacharie thought unlikely, but not impossible) ─ _or_ , his patience is running thin from the lack of action, desperate to move on with his mission. Both of them knew very well that The Batter is capable to fend for himself in the zones, but with The Puppeteer’s absence, he cannot solve puzzles he deemed easy, finding himself stuck in the area.

Still, Zacharie did not thought of The Batter less. Better yet, he doesn’t think him any more relevant. It may have been a big deal to the protagonist, in the end ─ it’s just another game, to put on a show for the audience to watch, an entertainment.

“Tell me of your tales.” says Batter, pausing Zacharie with his humming (a bit surprised).

Zacharie ponders, “Such an interesting request for someone as _cold_ and _dismissive_ ,” he adds a laugh when Batter glared, continuing on, “What tales do want me to speak of, _amigo_? I suppose this would be a lovely time to share a story, do speak of your interests.”

“Stories of such: this place, the game, hints and clues, more or so, tell me more about _you_. What circumstances brought you to a point where you decided to become a merchant?”

Taken aback, Zacharie thinks, he laughs his confusion. The Batter is genuinely curious, has he gone delirious? Has it really been _that_ long for The Player to be away for this man to have sudden interests? Strange, he thinks. Well, whatever that made him question his existence; it sure is a fun turn of events for Zacharie to witness. He might as well entertain it, if that’s the case.

“Well,” he starts, Batter listens, “it’s more of a hobby ─ _passion_ , Vader likes to call it.”

Batter squirms at the mention of the name. Zacharie pretended not to notice and resumed, “More similar to how you view of your mission to be done. Although, I wouldn’t call yours _‘passion’_ , you see, in my perspective, it is more as a quest, something that you’re tasked to do. Here’s a question; do you enjoy purification, dear Batter?”

“I…” the man in question trailed in his words, “I do. It would seem that I need to reevaluate,” sternly but quickly he answers.

“That was an easy question with an easy answer in your case, yet you stumble on your words. Clearly, something is bubbling up inside here, isn’t there?” Zacharie assumes, pointing to Batter’s chest to where his heart is placed. The Batter nodded but shrugging it off as if it doesn’t bother him greatly. Disregarding how his body twanged and begged to be desperately ended of misery.

“Passion is something I can easily define as an origin of _love_. Something we claim to enjoy of, something that gives us another excuse to feel happiness. Love cannot exist without passion, or so I’ve been told. My passion is more of…” he paused, “collecting goods, trekking around zones, receiving credits, manipulating unknowing customers─ “

Batter scoffs at the example.

“─ just being a merchant in general while I travel back and forth through zones. It may not be much, you may think, but it does make me feel like I have something to spend time on. How about you, Batter? Are you afraid of losing passion?”

“What do you imply?”

“Losing your purpose, _amigo_ ,” Zacharie chuckles, “Your existence in this world is for you to purify all filth that lives, not letting any obstacles stopping you to reach your goal. Even better, with the help of dear Player – as capable as you are, you may succeed. But without them, you are simply a _vessel_ ; another junk, another forgotten object, another useless puppet who lost its’ sole purpose. Does it make you afraid?” he ignores Batter’s breath wavering from his bluntness, while though it is true, maybe being too blunt wasn’t the best approach in this situation.

“ _Yes_. I’m afraid it does,” Batter answered and looked away, as simple as that. Zacharie saw this as a sign not to press on the topic. The Batter normally dismisses any sign of emotion of his own, he is starting develop another level of consciousness which led him doubt himself, something that the masked man knew that confuses the other; must’ve been so bizarre, _to feel_.

“Are you?” Batter asks.

“Of course! I do think of that, very well so, _mi amigo_. I have my fair share of thoughts; it has come to a point where I learned to accept it. So why should I be afraid? That’s one of the many reasons why we tend to lose it. Passion, I mean.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Truly, you don’t,” Zacharie mumbled, Batter frowned, “I am not the best person to explain this. Maybe Pablo will do it better than I will.”

“I’m sure you’ll manage. You’ve done it a lot of times,” Batter prompted, “Besides, The Judge isn’t here, the Player isn’t here,” he finishes, face softening as he faced the pouring rain, suggesting that they will be here for a while and for Zacharie to carry on.

With this, Zacharie slacked, smiling beneath his mask. The Batter sure is a stubborn fellow, isn’t he? It made him wonder what made him interesting in the puppet’s eyes.

He sighed, “Let’s see…” he holds his chin, thinking of a simple explanation so that the other man wouldn’t give him such a defiant stare, “Losing one’s passion is like… losing the ability to love. Whether it’d be romantic, platonic, empathetically, or any types of love, it wouldn’t matter, so long as it’s love. I cannot fathom the thought of losing my ability to love─”

Batter interrupted, “What’s so wrong about _not_ loving?” Zacharie waved a hand frivolously.

“Ah, ah, ah, _amigo_. Why do you think I held such amazement for little treasures that may even worth less to anyone’s time? Ask yourself that one. This world may be cruel and small and dreadfully mind-numbing, but to me, there’s so much to see. This world is full of surprises even I haven’t discovered. Those surprises may come in pieces, people, ideas ─ _moments_ , even! They may be out there, longing to be loved, waiting to be loved.

“When you give your attention to such little things, it makes it easier for us to realize that we love it. Just as much as how I notice weird objects, we tend to appreciate things long after they’re gone, so that is why I keep it. It’s not that difficult to so, when you notice, I mean ─ in fact, I think it makes everything a little more… pleasant. _La vie en rose_. Pablo told me, that odd cat.”

Zacharie started to hum the mentioned song. Batter stiffened, having immediately recognizing the tune and was reminded of _her_. He felt his stomach twist in such a way that it made his heart ache, it made him want to hurl. 

“Finding wonders in every corner, impressing one’s self with every tiny detail we label as pretty. But alas, like I said before, the world is cruel, petty; you have to expect the worse when you’ve found the best. That’s just how it is. Life is unfair.” Zacharie pats his knees after finishing his monologue, awkwardly shifting away when he noticed that Batter somehow sat nearer. Although Batter was too deep in thought, he wasn’t aware of Zacharie’s growing distress.

“I’ve… never thought of it that way…”

Zacharie snickered, not surprised of Batter’s comment, “Sure you don’t. So far, your brain has only been _‘I need to finish my mission this, mission that. I must leave to purify this, purify that’_ , that’s what you sound like by the way. It’s redundant, driving me crazy, hearing you speak so highly of your task, rambling on and on about how important it is to you; blah, blah, blah, this and that. I get it, it’s important to you. A sacred mission given by whomever there may be.”

“Apologies, I… I may have not thought of that either.”

“Oh my goodness!” Batter jumped at the sudden outburst. Zacharie threw his head back, laughter spilling out of his mouth, “Is that what I think it is? _The Batter_? With a genuine apology? What an outlandish impression indeed, very peculiar. My ears may be broken!” Zacharie giggled between hiccups, falling to the ground. “Pinch me! I must be dreaming!”

“If the concept is _so_ strange to you then maybe I will never apologize to you again!” Batter argued, his cheeks flushed, making an effort to hide his face by pulling the brim of his hat. Zacharie continued to dissolve in laughter while Batter waited for him to recollect himself, face fuming from embarrassment and pinching the bridge of his nose, groaning.

Deciding it was time to stop, Zacharie slowly sat up. He took a long, deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, “Are you finished?” Batter tapped his fingertips on his thighs, Zacharie held his breath for a moment, shaking his head before bursting out of laughter then falling back to the ground, _again_. His laughter blended with the rain, it may be echoing in the shopping mall that would’ve scared any elsen to death if there was any wandering around but that didn’t stop him.

Batter crossed his arms, not amused of his antics, “Can we continue?” he begged.

Zacharie lifted himself, still giggling and exhaling deep, “Okay,” he says, breathless, “I think I’m good,” he added.

“You think?” Batter bites.

“Absolutely! I very much think so.”

“Likely story.”

“I am!” Zacharie cried, “I’m good. I may laugh again if you show another unlikely emotion. Excuse me and my manners, _amigo_ ,” with a shit-eating grin, Batter stared at him with a sour look on his face.

“Okay, now where was I?”

“My mission.”

“Yes! _Boring_ , that one,” Zacharie let out a bitter chuckle, “It wouldn’t matter so much if this isn’t a game, would it? I would be afraid too. Then again, does matter so much to you,” Batter raised an eyebrow, urging Zacharie to go on.

“It matters because we know─ _ah_? I mean, we believe we know its’ worth. The satisfaction, short-lived, satisfaction only lasts for a moment, unless we know we aren’t blinded by lies we built for ourselves. It’s different from something we earn, _‘why?’_ you may ask? We know so little of new things ─ too unfamiliar for us to understand that we tend to cover up its’ worth, its’ relevance to something much bigger than we thought. There’s a word for it, I forgot the term, uhh─ _sous-estimation_ … something like that? I don’t remember it English─ “

“Underestimation?” Batter supplied.

Zacharie snapped his fingers, “There it is: _underestimation_. Haha! Clever Batter. Anyways, there’s that, to cherish always rather than now or later. It’s also endearing. We lack, gain, learn, repeat. We don’t _always_ lose, we learn to earn. What do we earn? We may never know,” he sighed, leaning, stretching his back. A satisfying pop came along after and Zacharie once more heaved a sigh. “That’s something to keep you busy for a while.”

“Hm. That’s quite a lot of wisdom from someone so _shitty-looking_.”

“Wow, I am _so_ offended.” Zacharie put a hand over his chest dramatically, “I’m not selling to you anymore.” He declared, stretching out his legs.

“Funny. I’m your only costumer.” Batter crossed his arms, his lips curling up.

Zacharie scoffed, yet his voice playful, “Don’t look so smug, _jerk_. I would’ve said _‘fuck you for hurting my feelings’_ if I’m not leaving.” The merchant says, standing up and fetching his pack.

This surprised Batter, “ _Leaving_? In the rain?” his voice in disbelief, flabbergasted. Despite their long talk, the rain showed no signs of stopping, still falling, if the merchant were to step outside, he would be soaked in rainwater in a matter of seconds. The wind was also picking up, which unexpectedly surprised Batter of his newfound concern over the merchant.

“So it would seem. Farewell, _amigo_.”

As Zacharie was about to step forward, Batter swooped in to grab his arm, “Stay here.” he demands. Despite the tone of his voice, worry was written all over his eyes. Zacharie already knew what to answer, he will _stay_.

“I suppose a nap would be ideal at the moment,” Zacharie gave in, not missing Batter’s eyes lighting up with glee.

“And since I’m not leaving ─ fuck you for hurting my feelings. There.”

**Author's Note:**

> all characters belongs to Mortis Ghost. man deserves a capitalization, give him some love. smooch! <3


End file.
